Families Change Teen Guide to Separation & Divorce

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Anxiety is a strong, uncomfortable feeling of fear or dread. It’s a normal emotional response to danger or uncertainty.

Changes bring uncertainty and this can make you feel anxious. It’s normal to feel anxious when your parents split up because there might be so many unknowns — like what’s going to happen, where you’re going to live, how you’ll cope with all the changes, and so on.

You might also feel like you’re caught in the middle—that you have to take sides or choose between one parent and the other—and that could make you feel anxious.

Also, you might be worried about your relationships in the future. You might think that because your parents have split-up, the same thing will happen to you. But you can learn from your parents' mistakes. What happens in your own relationships will be up to you, not your parents!

If the anxiety is lasting a long time or is making it hard for you to do the things you normally do, get help.

Q & R

Q:
Will I be able to spend time with both parents?
A:

In most cases, children get to spend time with both parents. How much time you spend with each parent and exactly how that will work depends on your parents’ custody and visiting arrangements.

Remember: Parents divorce each other, not their children. Your parents are still your parents, and they still love you.

Q:
I'm feeling guilty about my parents splitting up. Was there something I did to cause it?
A:

It's very common for teens to believe that they have somehow caused their parents to split up. But you’re not the reason for your parents splitting up. Parents split up because of problems in their relationship.

It's not your fault!

Q:
If my parents divorce, will the same thing happen to me?
A:

Many teens whose parents split up feel anxious about their own relationships in the future. But just because your parents split up doesn't mean the same thing will happen to you. You can learn from their mistakes. What happens in your relationships will be up to you, not your parents!

Q:
I have so many questions about why this has happened and what is’s going to happen in the future. How much can I ask my parents?
A:

If there are things you need to know, ask.

You have a right to ask questions about what’s going to happen and why. Although you need to respect your parents' right to privacy, they have a responsibility to answer your questions as best they can about things that directly affect you.

Q:
I'm feeling really upset and confused about my parents' splitting up. Is this normal?
A:

Your parents’ splitting up might be the hardest thing you've ever had to deal with. So it's natural — and entirely normal — to experience some intense emotions.

You will feel better over time. There are lots of ways to help yourself feel better, and there are people who can help you if you need it.