It's very common for teens to believe that they have somehow caused their parents to split up. But you’re not the reason for your parents splitting up. Parents split up because of problems in their relationship.
In most cases, children get to spend time with both parents. How much time you spend with each parent and exactly how that will work depends on your parents’ custody and visiting arrangements.
Remember: Parents divorce each other, not their children. Your parents are still your parents, and they still love you.
Most parents split up only after trying very hard to save their relationship. Their decision to split-up is usually final.
Some teens hope and believe that if they try to be on their very best behaviour, their parents will get back together. However, this plan isn't likely to work, since their parents' decision to split up had nothing to do with them.
Apart from suggesting that your parents see a marriage counsellor if they haven't already done so, the best thing that you can do is to begin to accept the situation so that you can get on with your life.
Your parents’ splitting up might be the hardest thing you've ever had to deal with. So it's natural — and entirely normal — to experience some intense emotions.
You will feel better over time. There are lots of ways to help yourself feel better, and there are people who can help you if you need it.
Many teens whose parents split up feel anxious about their own relationships in the future. But just because your parents split up doesn't mean the same thing will happen to you. You can learn from their mistakes. What happens in your relationships will be up to you, not your parents!
No, you don't. You have the right to love and be loved by both parents.
If you’re feeling pressured to take sides and feel caught in the middle of your parents' problems, tell them. They might be so caught up in their own problems that they don't even know they are doing it, and once they do, they might stop.
If there are things you need to know, ask.
You have a right to ask questions about what’s going to happen and why. Although you need to respect your parents' right to privacy, they have a responsibility to answer your questions as best they can about things that directly affect you.
Lots of teens worry about breaking the news to their friends. Some feel embarrassed about what is happening.
Parents splitting-up are very common these days. In Canada, between a quarter and a third of marriages end in divorce. That means that many people have been through it themselves, and most probably know someone who has.
Good friends will be glad you've told them. They'll know that you're still you, even though your family is changing.
Common-law parents — parents who chose to live together without getting married — don't get a divorce because there is no marriage to end. But they do need to decide what will happen to their children and how they’ll divide their property.
When two people who are married decide to split up, they need to get a divorce to legally end their marriage.
They can also decide to get a legal separation and divide up their property. They have to go to court for this, but this does not end the marriage. Divorce is the only way to end a marriage. To learn more about “legal separation” visit Éducaloi’s website.
Ideally, your parents will make the decisions together about who you’ll live with and how that will work.
If they can't decide themselves, they might go to a mediator for help in reaching an agreement. Or they might have to go to court and have a judge make the decisions for them.
Whether your parents make the decisions about custody and visiting rights themselves, or with the help of a mediator or a judge, your opinion should be taken into account.
There are lots of people around you who can help. Tell your parents, teacher, school counsellor, family doctor or another adult you trust. If they can't help you themselves, they should be able to help you find someone who can.
If you aren't getting the help you think you need, keep asking until you get it.