Families Change Guide to Separation & Divorce

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Feeling Better

There are lots of things you can do to make yourself feel better.

The most important one is to keep doing the things you like to do. Try to keep up with your regular activities. See your friends and make sure you don't isolate yourself. Read books. Listen to music. Play with your dog or cat. Take long walks. Try to keep yourself busy doing fun and interesting things as you deal with your changing family situation.

Make sure that you take time for yourself every day! When life gets stressful, it's easy to forget to do things for yourself, even though times of stress are when you most need time for yourself.

Here are some other suggestions:

Talk about it

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to talk. Talking about your feelings — not just once, but often — almost always makes you feel better. It releases tension and can help you put things into perspective so your feelings don't seem so overwhelming. Here are some tips:

  • Tell your parents how you feel. If they’re too upset to be helpful, try again another time. Talk to someone else in the meantime.
  • If you have brothers or sisters, talk to them. Since they're going through the same thing you are, they'll probably understand how you’re feeling.
  • Talk to a close friend, especially someone whose own parents have split-upt.
  • Talk to a relative, like an aunt or uncle, or another adult you know and trust, like the parent of a close friend.
  • Sometimes talking to someone who doesn't know your family very well — like a teacher or school counsellor — can be very useful, because that person can be objective.

Write about it

Try writing about your feelings in a journal or diary. You can write as often as you want and say whatever you want to say. Over time, you’ll be able to see the progress you’re making as you adjust to the changes and face the challenges.

It's OK to cry

Crying can make you feel better, because it lets the feelings out, instead of keeping them bottled up inside. But don't worry: if you don't feel like crying, that's OK too.

Exercise

Get active! Exercise is an excellent way to let off steam. And being fit physically may help you feel good emotionally.

  • Walk, run, or bike. Go skating or swimming.
  • Play basketball, soccer, baseball, hockey, or another game you like.

Do something creative

  • Write a story, or poetry.
  • Write a song.
  • Draw, sculpt, or paint.
  • Dance!

Think positive

Things will get better! At first, it’s hard when your parents split-up, but you will get through it. Others have survived, and you will too. You might even find that your life is better in some ways than it was before.

Q & R

Q:
I'm feeling really upset and confused about my parents' splitting up. Is this normal?
A:

Your parents’ splitting up might be the hardest thing you've ever had to deal with. So it's natural — and entirely normal — to experience some intense emotions.

You will feel better over time. There are lots of ways to help yourself feel better, and there are people who can help you if you need it.

Q:
If my parents divorce, will the same thing happen to me?
A:

Many teens whose parents split up feel anxious about their own relationships in the future. But just because your parents split up doesn't mean the same thing will happen to you. You can learn from their mistakes. What happens in your relationships will be up to you, not your parents!

Q:
Can I do anything to get my parents back together?
A:

Most parents split up only after trying very hard to save their relationship. Their decision to split-up is usually final.

Some teens hope and believe that if they try to be on their very best behaviour, their parents will get back together. However, this plan isn't likely to work, since their parents' decision to split up had nothing to do with them.

Apart from suggesting that your parents see a marriage counsellor if they haven't already done so, the best thing that you can do is to begin to accept the situation so that you can get on with your life.